


Embrace

by parkersrealm



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Post-Prison Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, gender-neutral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:47:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkersrealm/pseuds/parkersrealm
Summary: Ever since Spencer came back home there's been a certain distance between him and Reader. It seems that this is going to be make or break for them. Are they willing to work through their issues or will their insecurities get the best of them?Gender-Neutral Reader - Only referred to as 'You'
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Kudos: 47





	Embrace

You would be lying if you said that everything stayed the same after Spencer got back from Prison. Actually, it's more than fair to say that there are times where you're scared there's not much left of the Spencer you once knew.   
You didn't love him any less because of it but it is hard on you from time to time. 

You guys would come back from a case and instead of cuddling up to you, he'd opt to either go to sleep immediately or shut you out completely to the point where you couldn't help but wonder if maybe Spencer was the one who was starting to lose feelings for you.

The thought alone scares you like nothing on the job ever could. These last couple of months have brought a lot of uncertainty with them but the one thing you never had to question was your commitment to Spencer. You are confident he's the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.  
And before he went to Prison, you were confident he had felt the same.

Spencer can get a bit weird about people touching him. He didn't necessarily engage in a lot of activities that require touching one another before Mexico either but at least back then he had made an exception for you. 

Contrary to what his friends and coworkers may think, Spencer was always incredibly affectionate with you whenever he had the chance.  
He used to hug you tight every time you guys had come back from a case in order to assure himself you're both home and safe.  
He always left little butterfly kisses on your nose, neck and forehead whenever he got close enough.  
He would even hold your hand. 

And you loved it. God, you loved it so much. The fact that Spencer reserved these soft touches for you only made you feel so incredibly special.   
Which is why you felt so hurt once the touches stopped.

You understand that he went through a lot but you thought that this would bring you guys closer than ever. Instead you've never felt further apart from one another.

It's been almost a month and apart from the short hug when we got out and the occasional kiss goodnight Spencer hasn't touched you at all.

Enough is enough. If he wanted to break up with you then he would have to do it tonight. You love him more than he knows but you miss your boyfriend.  
Right now, you're living with the shell of a man who once loved you.

You let out a big sigh as you got up from your spot on the couch and made your way to your shared bedroom.

You're wearing one of Spencers old CalTech hoodies. It hangs off your shoulders loosely as you try to open the bedroom door with your sweater paw. It might've looked ridiculous but it made you feel closer to Spencer. Almost like a hug from him. You missed those.

With wobbling knees you open the door and make your way to your boyfriend who's currently in the process of undressing.   
It's been a long day and you can tell he's planning on going to sleep in order to avoid you again.

The realization breaks your heart. 

"Spencer?" you ask in a small voice. You put one of your hands on his bare back and he almost flinches. You gulp lightly and tears are starting to form in your eyes.

He turns around to look at you and right as he opens his mouth to make up some excuse why right now isn't a good time, he notices your body language.

You look so tiny in his oversized hoodie and he almost smiles at the sight. But then he notices your tired eyes that are filled with unshed tears and the slouching in your posture which indicates you don't want to do whatever you're going to do next. 

That look scares him. He's never seen that look before but he's got an unsettling feeling about it.

"Y/N, what's wrong baby?" He almost whispers. He cups your face in his hands and carefully turns it to either side to inspect if you got injured on this case after all. Had he missed it? He couldn't have. He kept such a close eye on you. 

You wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. This is the most affection he's shown you all month and it almost makes you want to skip out on the following conversation. Part of you wants to be convinced that things will get better on their own account but that's naive thinking and you know better than to 'trust the process' in this case. 

You put your hands over his and shut your eyes in order to avoid tears spilling over. You can't help but lean into his touch further.

You had it all planned out. You knew exactly what you were going to say. All that flew out of the window when you opened your mouth.

"Spencer if you don't love me anymore then please say so, so i can start imagining my life without you. Because right now that seems impossible and i can't be left behind by you out of the blue once you decide it's time"

Shit. Well that's not how you wanted to word it originally but the message behind it is the same.  
It seems like it takes Spencer a total of maybe 10 full seconds to shake himself out of the shock of what just happened.

What, did he think you were just going to wait until he's made up his mind?

A small voice inside your head is yelling at you to stop making assumptions but you're so scared and so afraid of what he's going to say next that focusing on anger seems like the better option.

Your boyfriend withdrawals his hands from your face and you clench your eyes shut. This was it. He is going to leave you and you're going to have to figure out how to deal with it.

Tears are starting to involuntarily roll down your face and before you can even make the attempt to wipe them away Spencer is already crushing you in big hug.   
You're too overwhelmed to understand what's happening anymore. All you know is that you love Spencer and that you want to spend every second he'll give you in his arms. If this was the last time, might as well make it count. 

He tries to pull you impossibly closer to him and you finally return the embrace by wrapping your arms around his neck.  
You can't really hold it in anymore and start sobbing into his neck. You tighten your grip even more.  
"Come back to me please"

It's your desperate attempt to keep the love of your life around but you can't be bothered to be embarrassed about it. If he was going to leave you, you'll have zero regrets. 

It's only when you feel Spencers body shaking that you realize he is crying into your shoulder as well.   
Every logical thought of yours went out of the window then. All you could think about was making it better. You never want to see him cry like this again. Not after everything he's been through. He deserves laughter and fun. And love. So that's what you're doing right now.  
Loving him.

He starts violently sobbing and you run your fingers through his hair. Your other hand is caressing the nape of his neck. You press soft kisses into his skin and mumble sweet nothings in his ear.  
He needs this right now. Maybe this is what he needed all along.

"Shh it's okay baby. You're okay. You're safe and you're with me. I'm not leaving okay? I love you. Let it all out"

He tightens his grip even more and buries his face deeper into your shoulder.  
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you so much please don't leave. I'm sorry"

It breaks your heart to hear him so broken. It brings new tears to your eyes and you nod.  
You realize you guys should've had this conversation a month ago. He loves you. He's just so scared.

You press more kisses to his neck before leaning back to bring his face to yours. Your hands find their place on his cheeks and he's forced to look you.  
Both of you are hurting at the look of the red puffy eyes of the other and both of you make the quick decision to do whatever it takes to keep that look from your faces.

You press soft kisses to his forehead, nose, cheek and eventually his lips.

He's still sniffling but he's mostly stopped crying. After another minute of careful touches from you, he sighs. He sounds tired, defeated and yet somehow relieved.

He takes one of your hands off his face and presses a small kiss to your palm.  
"Thank you. For everything. I didn't know how much i needed that"

You both let out a sad laugh and you close your eyes.  
"Why didn't you want to talk to me?"

You're not trying to make him feel guilty but his actions have hurt you and you know that he would want you to be honest about that.

He keeps a tight grip on your hand and intertwines your fingers.  
"I thought- baby i didn't know if you could love the man i had to become in there. I still don't. I have done horrible, horrible things. The things i did made me undeserving of your love. I knew that, but i couldn't let you go. I know it's selfish but- Y/N i am so so sorry i ever made you feel like i don't love you anymore"

His voice breaks on the last part and another tear rolls down his cheek. You take your hand that's currently not held by Spencer and wipe it away.  
"You did what you had to do to survive. To come back to me. How can you think i'd hold that against you? You deserve love, Spencer. We deserve to love each other. Unconditionally. Just- don't shut me out like that again, love. I miss you"

You push him slightly back so he sits down on the bed. Before you could take the seat next to him he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you flush against him. His head is resting on your chest and he clings to you like he's scared you're going to disappear if he lets go.

You both let out a content sigh at the contact. You've truly missed his touch more than you can say. You run your hands through his hair once more.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry. I don't think i can handle this on my own anymore"  
He buries his face in your chest in an attempt to get closer.  
You let out a relieved huff.

"I never wanted you to do this alone, my love. I'm here for every step. I know it's hard but i'll help you as much as i can. You just have to let me okay? We can start looking into finding a therapist for you first thing in the morning if you want. If not, that's okay too. We'll find a way through this together. I'm not leaving"

He sniffles again and pulls you into his lap. You quickly wrap your legs around his waist and bury your face in the crook of his neck. 

"Thank you. I love you. We'll get through this together. Thank you for loving me"

You smile into his skin and plant a soft kiss on top of his shoulder. He leans back to look at you. You see him smile for the first time in weeks and for a moment everything feels alright.  
He slowly leans in to kiss you. This one isn't rushed like the others. It's slow and full of love. He pecks your lips once or twice before fully pressing his to yours in an attempt to get you to see how much he loves and missed you. 

Not wanting to waste another minute you pull him closer by the neck and kiss him back like you're starved for his touch. Which was not that hard considering you were. 

After a minute of slow kisses his tongue asks for entrance and you don't have to think twice before granting it to him.  
You try to pull each other closer with every kiss until there's not an ounce of space between the two of you.

Between kisses you hear him whisper. It takes you a while to understand what he's saying but when you do you can't help but smile into the kiss.

"Love you so much"  
"Can't wait to marry you"  
"Thank you"

It seems like he's made it his mission to make up for all those weeks you spend questioning whether or not he still loved you.

You're not complaining. You're just happy to have the love of your life back. Sure, things aren't perfect but right in that moment you're sure you wouldn't trade it for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> this one was honestly kind of rushed. i might come back to it some time to,,redo the whole thing lmao. thanks for reading!


End file.
